Heart felt apologies
There are times when I have felt anger towards another. There are times where you may have felt regret towards another. There are times when we feel envious or jealous of another individual. All these emotions are human and yet drag us down, inhibiting our progress. These feelings reveal the worst within our character. It is in this unveiling of flaws that we have a opportunity to make whole all the wrongs that we feel. Bitterness, jealousy, hate and anger are all aspects of our fears gone awry. Fear comes from the lack of control of external environments which in this modern era we cannot hope to control even if we desperately tried, and so the search of our own self control begins. If this too is left adrift I try to control my outside stimuli, to which I falter almost all the time.
The process of bridging the gap of negative to positive emotions is done by apologies. Yet it is not easy to simply apologize to the person that has been wronged. When the raw wound remains salted there is precious little chance of healing. What if the person you choose to apologize has passed or un reachable to contact? Then the guilt of all these emotions lay unresolved on the dry desert of your psyche. What do we do? Should we succumb to the haunting torture of our own mind creations of negativity? How do we tackle the fabrications of our ego that have led us astray? Simply put, we apologize. But to whom?
I apologize to myself. I tender to my torn heart with as much care as I would another’s with acknowledgment of the pain that I have caused my heart through egoic constructs of jealousy, envy, hate and anger that were never real to begin with. It is in this surrender that the rains of forgiveness can sweep away the pain. This does not mean that it was ever acceptable if that other person hurt you in any way. That is a different side of the story that needs replaying and reprocessing. This is only for our own emotions that made us create a dramatic story in our minds from unhealed timelines and triggers of our past.
Self apology. Understanding. Acceptance of a wrong that I created provides accountability. It affords the responsibility for the wound. This is the first step in the healing of a heart that has been worn out by the onslaught of a mind that is attempting to survive. Once this patience with one self has been made to be present, the apology towards another dissolves with the negative emotions carried in tow.
You are not broken and do not need fixing. Only our heart needs attention. It is time I apologize to my ever present heart.
