All of my yesterdays

I am. I am here in this moment. I did not get to my present stage of life by chance. I am the sum of all my past experiences. The culmination of the triggers of the past.They were neither good nor bad. They just were. It is only now that I realize where my path has been and where it has taken me. A long winding path of heartbreaks, disappointments, frustrations and disagreements. Thank fully an even longer detour of discovery of joy, happiness and love.

Triggers of the now that were once long seeded in the past from childhood misadventures or fruitful endeavors. Fears of others slapped onto my sub conscious made into my own.  False tales of half truths disguised as teachings and outdated concepts thrust upon my being, coexisted with all of my own learnings for decades. No more. I have metabolized all that I was. I have put down the heavy bar bell of my jubilations and my equally weighted fears. Dropped down like a rock with a cry of relief at the end of a long arduous workout.

All of my yesterdays have fortified me to change and move forward in every way of my life. Forgiveness, understanding, and compassion. The unveiling of my worst and best natures as one would open the curtains welcoming to a new dawn. All that I am and all that I am not. Known.  The good and the bad experiences have all funneled into  the present version of me. It has always been my choice of how that facsimile is to be  manifested. It is my choice to embrace all that I am for better and worse and then recreate myself, till one day in the long distance of the future, I can re-look  back at all of my yesterdays and gently reshape myself in that timeline. The process of evolution continues one day at a time. Re evaluate, Re examine, Re shape.

It is now the silent and resolute bidding of farewell of all that has bound me in crippling fears. All that has kept in my “smallness. ”  To unchain old karmic debts, and even older hurts. To smell the air of freedom with unconditional love. To keep my feet firmly in the earth’s green thick grass and reach up with outstretched hands to touch the twinkling stars. To harness all that I am, and all of  my dreams and make the unseen into the seen. Unconscious into the conscious. The magic of it all is still jaw dropping as I humbly stammer out the words with flowing tears ” this is my life”. I own it, I feel it, and it is mine. 

All my yesterdays are here with me right now. Catalyzed and transformed. I let them go.  For now looking forward to all of my nows as they unfold into all of my futures. 

 In the end simply….I am.