Senses deprived

I had the opportunity recently to go into a sensory deprivation tank. What an experience ! It is essentially a large tank filled with salt water so that one may be buoyant.  I immersed myself into the tank. Lights off, no noise and off I went into a world like none other. In the noiseless dark I desperately tried to use my sense of smell to figure out my environment. Yet there was nothing to smell. In the piercing blackness all around me my eyes remained useless, so I shut them. My ears once submerged under water could only “hear” the still ness of noiselessness. I dreaded to taste the salty water so I did not. I drifted, I floated. Nothing to touch, nothing to sense. All was still. My outward body inactive. My inside bodily organs functioning at a slower easier pace to sustain me. I was going to be fine I told myself. I could hear the laudable chatter of my mind. Shouting, screaming, yelling to be heard. Its voice carried no where. The body could not receive its continuous argumentative  barrages and respond. This infuriated my mind even more. The din was deafening within a vacuum.

Unknown periods of time went by till the mind was summoned to be still. It took a lot of effort. Surprisingly even more than when I go into meditation. My mind was determined to put up a fight, and it did. Silenced, it rested for a bit. In the depths a new sensation arrived unexpectedly. My heart beat. It came out to say hello. I hear patients’ hearts all day long but never my own. I never really pause to feel my own heart beat. Its rhythmic drumming. Its palpable echo of kind support without question for every moment I have been alive. I paid it attention for the first time. Its conversation became louder at first and then settled to a more even pace  at a lower tone. I could visually see with my eyes open in the thick blackness of the dark my heart’s chambers moving in accordance with divine mandate. Then I felt it. Unassuming, simple. Me. That which was  there since I entered the safe womb of my mother and began my quest on this planet.

 I am not sure who was more surprised to meet whom. Me meeting me or vice versa. The life force, the energy behind this physical form, was at last made known. It had a name. Love. Formless, powerful, complete. We stayed in each others company for a timeless and seemingly endless moment of space. Held together with deep respect for each other by agreements made eons ago. No discussion. No arguments. Just the moment of being was abound. At some point the meeting was to conclude. It was mutual. I returned back into the form of the physical gently and my mind took over its immediate control of incessant planning of the next step. Thankfully, an awakened heart slowed down the process with grace. Less traumatic on the senses I would say.

I accidentally touched my eye with my hand and the water burned my eyes. Ahhhh! My finger moved the drops of dripping salty water off my nose….Ahhhh again…we can smell salt water. My tongue darted to stop this nonsense from going any further… Ahhhh again the salt water taste. We are on fire all my senses screamed and the mind said ” We are outta here”

Lights on, noises of the crazy mind returned,and  gravity was restored as I stood up. I was back. Back  into the the body I came in with. What an experience. “I would do it again ” my heart said. My mind snickered “Not if I have anything to do with it”

The clarity of thought was pristine. Refreshed recharged, I bid a farewell to Me who I had the pleasure of greeting. Tucked away behind the veils of my insecurities, doubts and fears, I knew that I was still there. The experiencer. The driver. The magic. The forever unchanging. Till we meet again…..

It was surreal how disconnected I was from me all this time behind my senses.

There is only one message to be delivered to me from this experience and that was….”I am “