Vulnerability post
I look back at a lifetime interspersed with heart ache. Not for others yet for myself. I have felt shame that was delivered to the doorstep of my heart in the form of ridicule, anger, and misery. The wounds of others made to be mine. They could not heal their anger, so I was the victim of it. They could not see themselves for their shame so I was the butt of their ridicule. The misery of others became mine to carry as painful as heavy rocks being lifted uphill.
Slowly my own once bright light was diminished with each insult of self born shame. I kept breaking under the tundra of my cold nights of loneliness. I was not enough. Never enough. Till one day I was left with nothing An empty shell of a once bright vessel of unparalleled light. Deep in the hollow was a spark of my former self. Shrouded by the tattered clothing of my mind. It had been worn away like an unraveled garment. With each frustration, fear, shame and guilt that I experienced more and more of that once innocent thread came undone.
It is here in the darkness, the lone candle of light found its truth. It is here that I realized my gift to shine. At first a solitary ray of simple light. Soon I learned to breathe the light hidden beyond the darkness. It flamed my own flame and I rose. Slowly over decades,I discovered my light begin to rage. Not in fury. Not in anger. Not in revenge. But in love.
I became the very fiery flame of the bright sun with each breath of light that I took in. I spread in all directions without reservation. I would burn down old ideas, ancient paradigms, and archaic programming. Untruths told long ago in my heart were soon dissolved. Other peoples stories of their own fears and self loathing that had once been projected to me were dissolved permanently. There were not my tales. My story was to be greater than the wounds I was made to bare. My path that was once riddled with hurdles now seems clearer. The journey is long and curved yet with wonders at every turn.
When the universe smiled and filled me with Love, I was sent on my journey. The supporting stars filled my light with wisdom to share and experience. I reaffirm my mission to open the eyes and hearts of my fellow humans. For each to discover their own light and shine it on their path of purpose, that was my vision. It still is.
I so love you. But It started with me loving me. It started with me choosing me. It started with me healing myself. It started with me igniting my spark. It started with me vowing to no longer let that light be overshadowed, diminished again.
………….
I love you
